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★ YOU ARE VISITOR ★
0000001337
since April 13th, 1997

★ YOUR PORTFOLIO ★
⏳ LOADING...
since 2026-01-01

🔥🔥🔥 WELCOME TO THE COFFEE HOMEPAGE !!! 🔥🔥🔥 ✨ Sign my Guestbook ✨ ☕ Best viewed in Netscape Navigator 3.0 @ 800x600 ☕ 💾 Don't forget to bookmark this page!!! 💾 🚧 This site is under eternal construction 🚧 ⏳ LOADING... WALL STREET TELEMETRY IS COMING IN OVER A 56k MODEM ... ⏳

Coffee!!!

~*~ Starport 1116's Official Coffee Homepage ~*~
★ NEW!!! ★ UPDATED APRIL 13th!!! ★ NEW!!! ★

CURRENT STATUS: ⏳ LOADING...

🔥 NEXT DEMO 🔥
About 4 weeks_
(give or take a decade)

✦ About This Page ✦

Hi!!! 👋 My name is Mike and this is my homepage.
We're not just making coffee. We're fundamentally rethinking the relationship between caffeine and consciousness!!! Leveraging proprietary quantum-extraction algorithms and vertically integrated bean-to-cup infrastructure, Coffee by Starport will deliver the world's first AI-native espresso experience. Current timeline estimates suggest first pour by end of decade. Probably.

✦ Corner Booth Whispers ✦

MAVERICK'S BACK BOOTH · mugs warm · ties optional

⏳ The regulars are drifting in after the bell...

⏳ Pulling seven fresh whispers off the espresso machine...

✦ Weight & Balance ✦

Pre-flight load check — where the weight sits across the airframe.

WEIGHT & BALANCE · the panel reads, the pilot flies

⏳ Spinning up the load sensors...

⏳ Weighing the cargo hold...

✦ My Kewl Roadmap ✦

YEAR	MILESTONE	STATUS
2026 Q2	Track portfolio returns in real-time	✓ DONE!!!
2026 Q2	Acquire a coffee machine	⚙ IN PROGRESS
2026 Q4	Learn to make coffee that doesn't taste like regret	📋 PLANNED
2027	Full autonomous latte art powered by FLUX.1 diffusion pipeline	💭 DREAMING
2028	IPO on the Hong Kong Stock Exchange	💰 $$$
2030	Establish Mars colony coffee supply chain	🚀 COSMIC

✦ ~ CLICK HERE TO SEE THE FUTURE!!! ~ ✦

👉 Check out this KEWL sneak peek of our Mars operation!!! 👈

Exhibit A: The Future Coffee Network.
"Not to scale. Not to physics." — Our Lawyers

✦ Cool Stats ✦

0 Cups Served	∞ Potential	418 HTTP Status

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AWARD '97

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