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since April 13th, 1997
★ YOUR PORTFOLIO ★
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since 2026-01-01
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Coffee!!!

~*~ Starport 1116's Official Coffee Homepage ~*~
★ NEW!!! ★ UPDATED APRIL 13th!!! ★ NEW!!! ★

🚧 UNDER CONSTRUCTION 🚧

CURRENT STATUS: ⏳ LOADING...

🔥 NEXT DEMO 🔥
About 4 weeks_
(give or take a decade)

✦ About This Page ✦

Hi!!! 👋 My name is Mike and this is my homepage.
We're not just making coffee. We're fundamentally rethinking the relationship between caffeine and consciousness!!! Leveraging proprietary quantum-extraction algorithms and vertically integrated bean-to-cup infrastructure, Coffee by Starport will deliver the world's first AI-native espresso experience. Current timeline estimates suggest first pour by end of decade. Probably.

✦ Corner Booth Whispers ✦

MAVERICK'S BACK BOOTH · mugs warm · ties optional
⏳ The regulars are drifting in after the bell...
⏳ Pulling seven fresh whispers off the espresso machine...

✦ Weight & Balance ✦

Pre-flight load check — where the weight sits across the airframe.

WEIGHT & BALANCE · the panel reads, the pilot flies
⏳ Spinning up the load sensors...
⏳ Weighing the cargo hold...

✦ My Kewl Roadmap ✦

YEARMILESTONESTATUS
2026 Q2Track portfolio returns in real-time✓ DONE!!!
2026 Q2Acquire a coffee machine⚙ IN PROGRESS
2026 Q4Learn to make coffee that doesn't taste like regret📋 PLANNED
2027Full autonomous latte art powered by FLUX.1 diffusion pipeline💭 DREAMING
2028IPO on the Hong Kong Stock Exchange💰 $$$
2030Establish Mars colony coffee supply chain🚀 COSMIC

✦ *~ CLICK HERE TO SEE THE FUTURE!!! ~* ✦

👉 Check out this KEWL sneak peek of our Mars operation!!! 👈

Cofslé — leaked investor prospectus

Exhibit A: The Future Coffee Network.
"Not to scale. Not to physics." — Our Lawyers

✦ Cool Stats ✦

0
Cups Served
Potential
418
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